


Negatives

by mkhhhx



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst, Domestic Violence, Eventual Happy Ending, First Kiss, Growing Up, HyungHyuk - Freeform, M/M, References to Depression, Romantic Soulmates, Soulmates, kiho monthly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-08
Updated: 2018-05-08
Packaged: 2019-05-04 02:38:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14583102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mkhhhx/pseuds/mkhhhx
Summary: For years, all that Kihyun knows about his soulmate is that he is in pain.





	Negatives

Kihyun’s soulmate was in pain. That was the only piece of information Kihyun had about them while growing up.

He still remembers the first time he felt it.

He was around four, sitting on the living room with his father while his mother prepared dinner in the kitchen. Kihyun remembers that they were playing some kind of board game, because his dad was letting him win and he was happy, moving his pieces according to his own rules.

He suddenly got scared, felt like he was in danger and needed to find somewhere to hide.

Then it struck him.

A sharp pain on his side and then on his back. He curled into himself, shouting and trying to make it go away, both his parents rushing to his side. The pain stopped as fast as it started but Kihyun was already wailing, hurt and so, so scared. Nothing had hurt him, yet he felt like he had scraped his knee a hundred times over.

“Baby, Kihyun, look at me, what happened?” His mother was trying to calm him down, sitting next to him on the couch.

Kihyun tried to explain the best he could, and his parents shared a concerned look.

 

 

They learned about soulmates a bit later, although he had heard some stuff from television shows and his parents. The kindergarten teacher made them all sit on fluffy large pillows at the rest area and explained with selected and simple words.

Everyone on earth is destined to be with someone else, one specific person. Finding them can sometimes be easy and sometimes very hard. Your soulmate could be living at the apartment next to yours or on another continent.

The children’s eyes went wide as she continued.

There are two main types of soulmates. Society labeled them as “positive” and “negative”.

Positive types could feel all the nice emotions and sensations their soulmate was experiencing. Being happy, a warm bath, the sun on their skin on a relaxing day.

Negative were the opposite. They felt all the pain, the anger, the sadness of their soulmate.

Kihyun didn’t need much help deciding which of the two categories he feel into. He was negative and it was neither his, nor his soulmate’s fault. It was a natural thing and he should accept it. That’s what his simple and childish mind concluded, after their teacher finished explaining and let them go outside to play.

But there was a problem.

There were a lot of other kids that were “negatives”, so Kihyun could ask about their own experiences. Nobody seemed to be in so much pain as him. Most told him about feeling their soulmates scraping their knees, or getting their noses bloody, or taking a vaccine shot, maybe being sad sometimes.

Kihyun’s soulmate was hurting much more. It was always around dinner time, once or twice, or more times every week. Kihyun felt his sides on fire, sometimes his head, his legs. He learnt to go through it without crying. He managed to find ways to cheer himself up right after, because if he cried his soulmate would be twice as sad. And they probably didn’t deserve it.

His parents were torn. They knew Kihyun’s soulmate was probably a kid just like him, but they couldn’t help but blame them and their parents for the pain they inflicted on their son. Maybe Kihyun’s soulmate had some kind of condition, some illness that had them being in pain.

Those kind of stories, the ones where one of the negative soulmates had a torturous illness slowly killing them, they were the worst. Kihyun’s parents knew they couldn’t do anything about it, but their anger was justified.

Until Kihyun turned eight and the pain stopped. He couldn’t believe it at first. One, two, three weeks, a full month without any serious pain. Kihyun was happy, both for himself and his soulmate. He hoped they were doing okay. He was extra careful, not to fall down and hurt himself, not to bump on everything while running. His soulmate didn’t deserve any more pain.

Even though Kihyun sensed that they were sad.

 

 

“Uhm…can my soulmate, be a boy?” Eleven years old Kihyun asked his parents at the dinner table. They talked about soulmate deviances at school that day. Soulmates of the same sex, soulmates with different kind of bonds than the positive and negative. People without soulmates.

“Yeah, although rare, it can be the case.” His mum said with a small smile, his father’s lips turned into a frown.

“Why are you asking this, Kihyun?” The man questioned, his expression softening after noticing his son becoming quite nervous. They were always an open family and Kihyun was raised up to speak his mind, whatever it was.

“We just learnt about some stuff in biology class today.” Kihyun drank some water, eyeing expectantly his parents.

“If your soulmate is a boy, that’s the natural course of things. We will support and love you as our son in the same way we do now.” His mother said and turned to look at her husband, with a small nod.

“Your mother is right, Kihyun. You’ll always be our son, nonetheless.”

Kihyun smiled wide, thankful for his parents.

 

 

There was the occasional pain in his small toe in the middle of the night, a sign Kihyun’s soulmate wasn’t sleeping for some reason. Kihyun knew they were sad, depressed. He felt so sad himself, without reason. Felt like crying in the middle of the class and like not leaving the house for days, even if he was invited to his best friend’s party. He didn’t tell his parents, he didn’t want anyone else to be angry with his soulmate.

His parents were positive soulmates, and maybe that’s why they couldn’t understand. But his grandparents were negative, like him. Kihyun’s grandpa used to tell him that it’s gonna be okay. Everything would fall in place when Kihyun met his soulmate. They wouldn’t be able to feel each other’s happiness, but they would be the cause of it, and that was more than enough.

 

It was quite common for people to start finding their soulmates at their junior high school years and that was just the case with Kihyun’s best friend. They were fifteen, sitting on the floor of Minhyuk’s bed, Kihyun listening to every little detail.

“And Mrs Kim, the art teacher, you know, she asked me to help her carry some books to the other classes and then I saw that boy, he looked almost asleep when I entered, but then, then…” Minhyuk’s voice was getting more high pitched with excitement after every world.

“Then I left the books on a desk and he looked at me and I felt so warm and happy and we kept staring at each other and I started laughing for no reason and he was giggling too, Kihyun, I think I’ve never been so happy in my life.”

“I’m so glad Minhyuk, really.” Kihyun smiled, trying not to compare himself and his sad soulmate with his best friend. “What are you gonna do now?”

“I found him at recess and he gave me his house number, said his parents wouldn’t mind if I called and asked for him. He’s a year younger, but we went to different elementary schools and he lives at the other side of the town, that’s why we never met before.” Minhyuk starts laughing again and Kihyun tries to imagine how nice having a positive soulmate would be.

 

Kihyun meets Minhyuk’s soulmate the next day at school. The boy is shy, all growing limps and a funny deepening soft voice. He bows and calls Kihyun hyung, scratches the back of his head awkwardly and shifts his weight from one leg to another.

“He’s really introverted, but I’m sure he’ll open up.” Minhyuk tells Kihyun later, when they are riding their bikes back home together.

“I wonder what mine is doing.” Kihyun thinks loudly and Minhyuk spares him a look, but doesn’t say anything.

 

 

“Any news from…your soulmate?” Kihyun’s father asks while they are watching some variety show together.

“They are…they are doing okay, I think.” They are sad, they are crying themselves to sleep sometimes but then wake up again after a few hours and they are angry and scared and all the kinds of bad things.

“Good.” His father says, eyebrows furrowed. “That’s good.”

 

The same night, when Kihyun is walking up the stairs to his room he hears laughter from the room next to his own. He draws closer, although he already knows what to expect.

Kihyun’s mother is leaning over her daughter’s crib, humming a song and playing with her little fingers. Kihyun’s baby sister, she has bought so much joy to his parents. She’s not even one yet, but she doesn’t cry much. Maybe she’s a positive kid and they won’t have to go through Kihyun’s phases all over again. Kihyun wants to be happy, he really wants it, but he can’t help feeling something shattering in him.

He shuts his room’s door and punches his pillow. He’s angry. Angry because he is trying so hard and his soulmate is not helping at all.

“WHY THE HELL ARE YOU ALWAYS SAD.” He screams into his pillow and breaks down in tears. Then he feels that little pain in his heart. His soulmate can feel his anger. He’s scared. His soulmate is scared of anger. Kihyun doesn’t know what to make of it, but he manages to calm himself down and go to sleep, hoping he won’t be awaken again with the need to cry.

 

 

“Let me quickly go fetch Wonnie and we can go.” Minhyuk says, already running to the classes. He had recently added two platforms on his bike so he could drop off Hyungwon close to his home before he continues with Kihyun to their own ones. He swore it was completely safe since Hyungwon was so light, even if Kihyun doubted it. He had no idea how Hyungwon’s parents trusted their son to Minhyuk, but then again, his best friend was always lovable.

It’s the third day of Kihyun’s second year in high school and he already has assignments to do. He remembers that his parents might be out in the afternoon and he’ll have to take care of his sister too. Maybe he can invite Minhyuk and Hyungwon over to keep him company.

He finds a bench to sit and wait, the yard almost empty since most students have already left some minutes ago, except for those who attend club and after-school-hours activities. The weather is great and he allows himself to relax, the sun warm on him. It only lasts a few seconds before a familiar feeling overtakes him. His soulmate is in distress. Kihyun is not sure if it’s actual fear or something else, but he tries to ignore it.

He’s ready to message Minhyuk and ask him why he’s taking so long when he notices a commotion near him. He can hear shouting from just around the corner, the back of the school, a place where students are not supposed to be.

Ignoring the pure fear now settling in his chest -he’s too used to it- curiosity takes over him and he gets up promising to only take a peek. He doesn’t want to get caught up in a fight or anything like that.

Kihyun hides himself behind the corner and takes a look. There are three guys, twice his size, shouting at a boy. The boy is up the wall, trembling like a leaf while the others are taking his backpack and emptying the insides on the ground.

“Where’s your money you bastard?” Someone shouts.

“I…I don’t have any.” The boy stutters and it’s obvious he’s trying not to cry.

He is punched, straight on the face and then kicked until he doubles over himself, but he keeps saying he doesn’t have any money on him. Kihyun feels someone hitting his soulmate too, but he doesn’t connect the dots, yet.

Kihyun doesn’t know why, but his mind is screaming at him to help. He knows he has a small body, he could never win a physical fight, not with those guys. He steps in nonetheless.

Kihyun runs in front of the boy and takes a kick on his shin instead of him.

“Go away, I’m gonna call a teacher.” He says, as calmly as he can muster and they laugh at him. An idea pops in his mind. He lifts his phone from his pocket. “I have everything recorded. If you try to touch me I’m gonna shout so loud that they will hear us.” Kihyun was a well-known face around the school, a perk of being the main vocalist of the choir the past year.

The threat seems to work as the bullies share confused looks and at last, with a slow nod from the tallest one they take their bags and leave, heading to the entrance. Kihyun is terrified.

 

“Please, stop being angry.” There’s a small voice behind him and Kihyun turns around, eyes wide.

He has to turn his eyes downcast to look at the boy and his inside freeze and feel like they are set on fire at the same time.

“I’m Hoseok” the boy tries a small smile, “thank you.”

Kihyun takes deep breaths, calms himself down and he can feel the fear subsiding.

“You get angry a lot.” Is the next thing the boy, Hoseok, says.

“Can you…can you stand?” Kihyun offers his hand and the boy takes it.

 

 

Kihyun helps Hoseok walk to the bench he was sitting and gives him some water. The area around his eye is already blue and there’s a bruise forming at his jaw and probably in way more places.

“So…” Kihyun doesn’t know from where to start. “You are my soulmate?”

“I…I think so.” Kihyun notices Minhyuk and Hyungwon looking at them from a distance. He signals them to go without him and knows he’ll have to do some explaining to Minhyuk later. Lots of that.

Kihyun takes a look at Hoseok. His soulmate. They are around the same height and Hoseok is as skinny as him. He has black, short hair and matching, gentle eyes. His uniform is dirty and he’s wearing a pair of sneakers that have seen much better days.

“Do you feel better?” Kihyun asks, although he knows the answer already.

“I do, thank you for stopping them. I’m new here and they promised to show me around after classes, but they wanted money.”

“Which class are you in?” The first years are all at the same floor as Kihyun, but he didn’t have the time to take a good look at the new students yet.

“I’m at C4. First floor.” Hoseok rubs his knee and Kihyun flinches at the pain. “We moved here recently because my mother was offered a job nearby.”

“Oh!” Kihyun exclaims. “So you are my hyung!”

“Yeah” the boy gives him a smile. A wide one. “But you can just call me Hoseok.”

 

 

“Mum, dad” Kihyun says when he steps inside the living room, his little sister trying to come greet him on wobbly feet. He lifts her up on his arms and takes a seat on the couch, opposed to his parents who are waiting for him to say something.

“You’re late today. Did something happen?” His father asks, voice curious and the tiniest bit concerned.

Kihyun takes a deep breath, trying to suppress his anxiety.

“I met my soulmate today.” He announces and falls silent, giving his parents time to process.

“Is…she…he?” His mother starts awkwardly.

“His name is Hoseok, he’s a year older and he recently moved to town because his mother was offered a job. That’s really all I know. We are at the same school.”

His parents give him small nods and smiles.

“Congratulations son. He’s welcome to our house whenever he wants and we’ll be glad to meet him.” His father says and gets up to mess Kihyun’s hair.

When his parents leave later he calls Minhyuk to come over and they make celebratory cookies. Kihyun keeps the best ones to give at Hoseok the next day.

 

 

Hoseok is the gentlest person Kihyun has ever met. Always soft spoken and careful with his every move. They hang out after school, sometimes with Minhyuk and Hyungwon and other times alone, talking and slowly getting to know each other, becoming friends.

Hoseok doesn’t have a bike, so Kihyun adds two little platforms on his own and at last he understands why Minhyuk did it. Kihyun always wants to spend some extra time with Hoseok.

One day, when he’s dropping Hoseok at home he meets his mum, lets his bike at the entrance and greets her, too anxious, but she’s all warm smiles and invites him inside.

Hoseok and his mum live in a small place, nothing like Kihyun’s two story house, but it’s nice and cozy. There are photos of Hoseok from when he was younger around, with his mother.

“What about your father?” Kihyun asks, before realizing the question can be insensitive. They have known each other only for a few months after all.

“He left when I was nine.” Hoseok answers, not looking back at Kihyun.

“Oh, I’m sorry…”

“Don’t be. I’m glad he did.”

The awkward silence is broken, Hoseok’s mum calling them for lunch in their tiny kitchen.

 

 

Kihyun knows they’ll end up falling in love and yet, it happens unexpectedly. Minhyuk has recited countless times how his first kiss with Hyungwon felt and how everything just found its place. For Kihyun, the summer after Hoseok’s graduation was the turning point, roughly two months short of a year since they first met.

They stayed at each other’s houses a lot and they went to the beach and Hoseok was just so good with Kihyun’s little sister and his parents loved him, Kihyun’s childhood years forgotten. Nobody wanted to ask questions and bring back all the unwanted memories.

Hoseok was romantic. He brought and made little presents for Kihyun, flowers and little boxes with chocolates and other sweets. Their first kiss was romantic too, dressed in hanboks, at the edge of the port of the town. The summer festival was on its peak, fireworks lighting up the night sky when Hoseok leaned in and Kihyun closed the distance between them.

 

 

“Hey” Kihyun mutters, opening his eyes. He fell asleep in Hoseok’s arms, but his soulmate is now sitting at the edge of the bed. “What are you stressed about?”

“Kihyun?” Hoseok turns to him, “I’m so sorry I woke you up love.”

“What happened?” It’s one of their first nights together and one of Hoseok’s many sleepless ones.

“I’m just thinking, about the past and my future.”

“You do that a lot. Want to talk to me about it?” Kihyun sits on the bed, hugging Hoseok the best he can and it’s a little uncomfortable but he feels the other calming down.

“I am sorry for putting you through so much when we were younger. Now that I think back to it, I hurt you so much.”

“But it was not your fault. It was your father’s fault. Right?”

“Yes, for the most part. It was better after he left, but I was depressed. I still am, but I’m handling it much better. I wanna be my best self for you. See, we were never really well off and it was even worse since my father left us. I had too little compared to the other kids and even though I never blamed my mother or asked for more, and hell, I didn’t even need more, I was mocked a lot. For my clothes and my bag and not being able to go to school trips sometimes. It rarely got physical, but it still hurt. I wish I could be happier. Even when I didn’t know who you are, I thought about you a lot. I was sure you would hate me.”

“I could never hate you. Even more after meeting you. Never Hoseok.” Kihyun blushes, thinking a lot before saying what else is on his mind. “I’m already dreaming the rest of my life with you. Is it too early?”

“No, no it’s not.” Hoseok pecks his cheek and lies back on the bed. “Let’s go back to sleep.”

 

“Good morning.” Hoseok stretches, body tangled in the sheets.

“Hey” Kihyun smiles. Hoseok has been sleeping well the last few months. Kihyun woke up first, watching his fiancé. The way Hoseok’s eyelashes fluttered in his sleep and he snored softly. He was way too adorable.

“Mhmm” Hoseok hugs Kihyun back down on the bed. “Do you have classes today?”

“Yes” Kihyun laughs “you should let me make breakfast and have a shower before going.”

“Nooo” Hoseok whines “stay with me.”

“We even go to the same university you big teddy bear, you’ll see me at lunch. And you have classes too, I’ve memorized your schedule.” Kihyun kisses Hoseok’s forehead and gets up.

He can’t feel it, but he knows his soulmate is so happy. And he is too.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> Let me know what you think~


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